Arsenal and Depression are two 'recently found' brothers (part 1)...

I was told to avoid this article, but life is better if you face the truth sooner rather than later. Please do note, what I write is my opinion and this is what I have been feeling at Arsenal upto now.

Depression is something which kills you. And I mean actually. It kills you slowly, making you suffer second by second till you hear the first piece of good news. That to a ‘little’ of such news won’t help you and its only when you start hearing a flow of such good news that you slowly start to recover.

I will not harp about Wenger or Arsenal anymore as I feel that enough has been said. Plus, after the Swansea game there is nothing to talk about other than the performance, that is if you can call it that.

Today it’s something different. But something equally important.

When I hear the full time whistle after Arsenal ‘lose’ a game, personally this is what I feel…

It’s as if for 1 second my life has been put on slow motion, and then I snap back to my normal state. Or, if it is my normal state ? After a loss be it to United, City or even a team like West Brom I get a hollow sensation inside of me. Partly because I am angry as to why my team did not perform and also due to the fact that I was let down. I expected something and I got something less.

I cannot tell you, or rather express to you how much I love football. I love watching football and I love playing football, but to be honest I am scared. And why not ? Can you trust a team which concedes 4 goals in 22 minutes twice in 2 seasons. A team which loses to Spurs after leading 2-0, and draws against them after after leading 0-2. A team which promises so much and delivers so little for 3 consecutive years.

Yeah, I am shit scared. Scared that I will have another depression spell this weekend. Scared that after I watch the match I may be let down, and that I may be frustrated.

And yet it’s an addiction….

I know what I have signed up for, and I know that there is a possibility that I may not get what I want, but thats the risk which I take.

I look forward to every weekend, knowing very well that things may turn out very badly for me. Knowing full well that I may end up depressed, and knowing full well that I may be ripped apart in the consecutive days. But I look forward to it.

Some people will never understand what I am trying to say, and for those people, from my heart “ I am sorry.” Sorry, because most of you have not yet got to that stage of supporting and watching football. It’s not true that you have to visit Arsenal to be classified as a true supporter of the club, and it’s not true that you have to buy the merchandise to support the club. Support for a club, comes from within, when you can make yourself one with the club. You feel what the club feels, and you ‘get pricked’ when the club gets pricked. It’s just as if you have a brother, and if he is in pain, you feel it. The scenario is similar.

At the end of the day, one may say that it is just a game, and you are over-reacting. Honestly I wish it was, I wish I actually was over-reacting so that I can rectify it. But I can’t. You can never rectify what you feel is right, NEVER.

I know there are certain Gooners who have supported Arsenal longer than I have, and I respect them. You need balls to go through ‘this shit’ after your team loses (especially if it is a top team), and to do that every week is laudable.

I know I will look forward to the next Arsenal game vs Blackburn. I know it, and I can’t wait for it. Saturday early kick-off is the next thing I am looking forward to in my life(in sports). I want it now, I want it immediately, but I have to wait. Wait for 6 days and till it’s time to switch on my television and watch the players come out of the tunnel, knowing fully well that at the end of the 90 mins I may be depressed and frustrated. But thats the risk I take…

Sadly, this was not the scenario years ago…..

To be continued..

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